DeMisty D. Bellinger

May 10

1. THE DISPATCH

Esteemed Patrons and Fine Folks

Dear Esteemed Patrons,

Please do not flush feminine products in the toilets. There are trash receptacles for this purpose.

—The Fine Folks at Florentine Trattoria

Dear Fine Folks at Florentine Trattoria,

What products do we mean exactly? Parfumes? Frilly skirts of tulle? Mascara?

—A patron

Dear Fine Folks at Florentine Trattoria,

No one’s a fucking idiot. We are not going to flush our tampons or pads or whatever. Fuck off!

Signed: A motherfucking lady

Dear Fine Folks at Florentine, Patrons, and A Motherfucking Lady,

Hello! I mean, the environment? Heard of it? Use reusables and don’t give me shit about can’t affording it. It’s called being on the rag for a reason. Find one!

I suppose I’m one of those fine folks, even though I’m not in management, but sadly, I haven’t need for any of those products this last month or so.

—Me

Dear, my Dearest Dear,

I am clad in flannel, denim, tatts, and a tee. Don’t fucking feminine me!

—OG Lesbian

Dear OG Lesbian,

Honey, I’ll one-up you. I still have my dick! I come here to do my thing in the toilet and make sure to tuck that shit. No “feminine” products for me!

—Sierra

I second Sierra! Heeey!

—Lisbeth

I THIRD SIERRA AND LISBETH! I HAD TOP WORK DONE AND NOT BOTTOM, BUT I WILL NEVER USE THOSE FEMININE PRODUCTS.

—VALERIE

Hey Me,

Do you need a ride to OK or something? Text 972.746.4444

—A Friend

Dear Nasty Bitches,

Naw, I don’t mean Hillary. I mean all y’all nasty women who DO flush y’all pads and shit in the toilets. The OP is for you. Y’all know you are! And wash your hands.

—A Concerned Diner

(((to concerned diner: everybody shits. And shits go in toilet.)))

Thanks, A Friend. I don’t know if I can afford one, though.

—Me

Dear Everyone,

I’m here with this hot ass man. I mean, he is HAWT! But he is as dull as a Q-tip. He keeps checking his phone and reading me headlines. Then he laughs at his own jokes! Granted, it’s a sexy laugh, but it’s annoying AF, you dig?

Anyway, I’m only writing to ask if you would keep going because he’s fine. Did I mention he is hot as hell? Yeah, that hell. I want to go to town on him. Do I ignore the dull?

Signed,

A 7 Out w/a 10

p.s.: this is just a first date.

Hey Me and A Friend: I’m going to leave this up for 4 more hours, then I’m going to black it out. Y’all don’t know who be reading the walls and who’s a snitch. Y’all could be sued or worse. And if that number don’t work, go to newjanes.com

—The New Janes

Dear Staff at Tratt

Liza gives the best head, sure, but ask Eduardo what he can do with his tongue!

—Anon.

ME, A FRIEND, AND THE NEW JANES: REPENT AND READ YOUR BIBLES, IF YOU HAVE ONE! ABORTION IS MURDER! AMEN!

Anon: Eduardo can do with his tongue, but have you seen Cesar’s dick? It goes on for fucking days.

Amen, all-fucking caps: read your bible. Not word one about it, unless you count directions on how to give an abortion. God ordered the death of the unbelievers’ unborn.

—Another Friend

Thank you for everyone’s help. I have found an answer and a way. Bless you all! And don’t flush your pads or tampons. 😉

—Me

2. BUREAU INVENTORY

Coffee cup
Moon lamp
3X5 card holders and 3X5 cards
Roll of Stabilo Point 88 Fine 0.4 pens (various colors)
Eyeglass case with reading glasses
Fake sunflowers as a present to myself

3. BIOGRAPHY

DeMisty D. Bellinger is the author of the poetry collections Rubbing Elbows and Peculiar Heritage, and of the novel New to Liberty. She teaches writing in Massachusetts, where she lives with her husband and twin daughters. You can find her at demistybellinger.com.

Jiksun Cheung